Apple Unveils the i...

Written byJosh Vise

Sunday, 13 May 2007

In a move that is sure to excite trendy hipsters everywhere, Apple unveiled its new line of desktop and notebook computers today.  Tentatively dubbed the iSore, this groundbreaking line of products eschews functionality in favor of design beauty. "We at Apple have always felt the traditional processors, hard drives, and motherboard have hindered our ability to create a computer of unparalleled beauty," stated Chris Rivers, head of design at Apple.  "Comprised entirely of solid molded plastic, the iSore's graceful curves and colorful design are sure to be a hit with people too scared to use real computers." Other innovative iSore features include a computer mouse with absolutely no buttons, and will be offered in a variety of colors ranging from fruity blue to fruity green.  It is fully compatible with the iPod, iPhone, iTunes, eTunes, oPods, eBooks, uPhones, mySpace, youTube, and hybrid cars.  The high gloss finish allows iSore owners to stare at their own smug reflections as they play one of six video game titles expected to be released for this platform. Preliminary consumer test reviews have spanned the gamut of human emotion.  "This machine is dark sided," hollered one portly reviewer, who declined to be named.  "The iSore is wonderful addition to my living room," stated Joshua Martin, of Tempe, AZ.  "It really ties the room together."  When asked if he make use of the computer for business or personal applications, Joshua stated that he has yet to actually plug it in.  "I find that I am physically unable to surf the internet unless I am at a Starbucks."

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