 Written by Katelyn Sack
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Friday, 30 May 2008 |
In a shocking preemptive strike this Tuesday, the elite Quds force of the Iranian Revolutionary Guards Corps (IRGC) prepared to obliterate itself in a fiery haze of chemical combustion and honor.
Citing senior administration officials, bipartisan Senators, and the brain suspended in a jar on Karl Rove's desk, Iranian sources said: "Everyone's been saying, 'Bush plans to bomb Iran by August,' or 'It'll be an October surprise,' or even, 'When you least expect it, punk.' Well, looks like we'll beat you to it, chumps!"
Iranian economists are particularly proud of this turn of events, noting that at least the prime Persian fighters will die efficiently, saving their best scientists long, agonizing deaths from radiation-induced cancers. Ushering his family into a bomb shelter, triple Ph.D. Abdul Ya Hamimimijad briefly elaborated: "Damnit, we should've built the bomb."
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