U.S. Halts Creation of New Solar Power Plants

Written by Katelyn Sack
Sunday, 29 June 2008
The federal government intends to halt the creation of new solar power plants on public land due to spiraling demand for solar energy, the Bureau of Land Management announced today. "What with global warming, solar power is just too easy," said BLM spokeswoman Vera Wan at a press conference under a thick cotton canopy, two parasols, and a protective ski mask. "Because the war in Iraq is going so well, we need more challenge in our energy policy." "Our research indicates solar power has not been proven safe, especially in the scalding-hot places of proposed new solar power plants. The deserted plains of Arizona and the sizzling valleys of New Mexico are scary enough with the brutal sun alone in the scorched blue sky," Wan continued. Citizens for Clean Energy issued a brief response: "What, have they been sitting out in the sun all morning? That shit is fucking half-baked."