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Obama and McCain Admit Past Indiscretions |
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 Written by The Rubber Poop Man
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Saturday, 23 August 2008 |
Yesterday, John McCain acknowledged a homosexual affair he had in 1994 with then Attorney General Janet Reno , the first U.S. Attorney General to be over seven feet tall. McCain stated that the affair only lasted a few months and blamed it on a diagnosed geriatric depression that he said is now no longer an issue. McCain further stated, “I am not gay… not that there is anything wrong with that.”
Reno is now the unofficial president of the National Mustache Association. This association boasts membership from such fuzzy notables as Tom Selleck, perpetual cowboy actor Sam Elliot, and failed NFL head football coach Dave Wannstedt, better known simply as Wanstache.
This reporter interviewed Mr. Reno, currently sporting a waxed handlebar, and asked him about McCain’s allegations. Reno oddly acknowledged the relationship but vehemently denied McCain’s allegation. Reno then quipped in a deep baritone, “Damn it, how many times do I have to tell you people? I am a woman!”
Barack Obama admitted today that he has not been who he appears to be since 1988, when he entered Harvard Law School, shortly after the late 1986 release of the classic movie, Soul Man. Obama stated that he, like C. Thomas Howell’s character, needed a scholarship for law school, and he has been feigning being black ever since.
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