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Obama and McCain Admit Past Indiscretions |
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 Written by philbill
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Tuesday, 26 August 2008 |
Good evening, I’m your host Chuck Woolery and welcome to the fourth and final presidential debate between, let’s see – Chalak Umlauda and Don McLean. Just kidding, folks. I know their real names. New research shows that voters actually like it when candidates are up front about their indiscretions. With that in mind, is there anything you’d like to admit to, Sen. McCain?”
“No.”
“Senator Obama?”
“Yes, I admit to wiretapping Hillary’s headquarters. We stopped after all we were hearing was Bill making calls to 1-800-HOT-CHIX.”
“Our audience voting tracking shows that admission just put you in the lead, Senator Obama,” Woolery says. “Senator McCain, are you sure there is nothing else you wish to admit to?”
“Actually, Chuck, there is something else I need to come clean on. I fathered six Amer-Asian children…."
Woolery says, “Well, that’s understandable, given your service record…”
Sen. McCain says, “Let me finish, Chuck. I fathered six Amer-Asian children THIS AFTERNOON. Top that, Barack.”
“That puts McCain in the lead, according to our voter tracking.”
“Senator Obama, put up or shut up.”
“Um, I, uh, once shot a coke dealer in the face!” Obama says. “Yeah, I shot a coke dealer in the face.”
“Now Obama’s ahead. Senator McCain, it’s final indiscretion admission time…”
“Well, I’m not proud of it but one time after a night of heavy, heavy drinking when I was in the Navy, I had sex with a Navy Seal, not an actual a Navy Rescue Officer – but an actual seal that was owned by the Navy.”
“The winner and our next President John Navy Seal Banger McCain…”
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