President Bush Blames Administration's Woes on Cursed Tiki Idol

Written by Mike Richardson Bryan
Wednesday, 17 December 2008
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Looking back on his troubled time in office, President Bush lays the blame for his administration's many woes squarely at the feet of a small Hawaiian idol. "It started right after that photo op on the Abraham Lincoln," said Bush, speaking with the Washington Times' Stephen Dinan in the third of many end-of-term interviews. "Up 'til then, everything was going great, everybody loved me, and I had the press eating out of my hand. But then one day, I was rummaging around in the White House attic, looking for Bill's old porn stash, when I stumbled across that accursed tiki. The next thing I knew, everything went to crap—Plamegate, Abu Ghraib, Hurricane Katrina, you name it—and now, on the way out the door, the whole damned economy goes tits-up on me. Damn you, tiki!" But what of former President Clinton's legendary porn stash? "It's still there, and plenty of it, but it's no good," said Bush. "Nothing but plumpers, the whole lot of it. That man really liked the double stuffs."