Ted Kennedy Hospitalized, Political World Reacts

Written by Katelyn Sack
Sunday, 18 May 2008
Seventy-six year old Senator Ted Kennedy (D/MA) was airlifted to Massachusetts General Hospital on Saturday with stroke-like symptoms after experiencing a seizure at home. While Presidential candidates lined up to offer respect and support to one of the longest-serving Senators in U.S. history, others took a different view of the events. Said nationally renowned journalist and vampire bat Bob Novak: "This tactic is clearly timed to remind voters that Presidential candidate and Senator John McCain is seventy-two, hypertensive, and at imminently high risk for heart attack or stroke. It's shameless pandering to corrupt, weak liberals who want their President to last four to eight years, and the American people need to know the truth." Novak's son Alex Novak, who recently registered the business name Decrepit Old Geezers For Truth, could not be reached for comment as of press time.