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McCain picks an unusual running mate |
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 Written by Bluestocking1975
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Monday, 19 May 2008 |
A New Yourke Times report:
GOP taps ex-radical for veep post
It is the improbable union of the strangest political bedfellows imaginable: The Fonda-McCain ticket for 2008.
It also marks one of the first times a vice presidential nominee’s reputation has eclipsed that of the president. Surprisingly dubbed the “Geriatric Old-Farts Party, or GOFP,” by both James Carville and Mary Matalin, the Fonda-McCain allegiance was initially forged decades ago, in a quagmire far, far away: The Vietnam War.
“Hanoi Jane,” as her detractors call her, first met a young, gaunt Johnny McCain when he was a POW in Vietnam. She carried what are reputed to be love letters from the future hawk/Arizona senator to his then-Hollywood hero: Charles Bronson.
In addition to offering a jingle-like political slogan that they hope will appeal to today’s illiterate youth—“Fonda-McCain/They so insane”—this odd duo will offer something for both the liberal’s bleeding heart and the conservative’s as-yet-undiscovered soul. This couple will symbolize the marriage of the hawk and dove, a sort of political gene-tampering that cannot help but result in a horrific tangle of ideals, of dawkishness even.
Of this juxtapositioning of right- and left-wings, McCain had only this to say: “Janey and I offer stunning proof that opposites can work together. And, heh-heh, what red-blooded guy didn’t like Barbarella back then? At my age, all I’ve got is memories of sexual encounters …”
Fonda noted that she would strike a balance between McCain’s plan to stay in Iraq for the next hundred years by posing for photographs on any proffered IED manufactured by so-called Islamist extremists. The 71-year-old actress, who appeared in such films as The China Syndrome and 9 to 5, further stated she “would agree to fighting in Iraq for the next 25 years or so only if women’s rights to fight were guaranteed. Oh, and no ritual genital mutilation of girls in Africa, and I promise not to say cunt again in print or on TV.”
In what was perhaps the first of many “senior moments,” the couple also announced their intention to make the Doors’ “People Are Strange” their campaign song. McJane’s reply—in unison—to the reasoning behind this confusing choice? “Off the record, we just don’t understand why everyone’s complaining about the economy. Just look at us. We’re better off than ever. We couldn’t care less about $4/gallon gas.”
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