In a surprise attack reaching deep into the heartland, India declared war on the U.S. at 12:01 a.m. this morning.
The far-reaching effects of the subcontinent's stealth revenge on the American Imperium were felt immediately, from sea to shining sea, as consumers realized one by one that all the best technical support and customer service-related call centers would not assist them.
Personal computers are slowly ceasing to function. Broken coffee-pots cannot be replaced by mail-order. Brides may still be ordered from the former USSR, but shipping delays (and concurrent potential damage to merchandise) are to be expected.
When asked for comment by the hordes of American reporters stranded haplessly overseas, Indian officials smirked and responded: "May I please speak with your supervisor?"
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