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Our Governor is Better Looking Than Your Governor |
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 Written by rfreed
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Monday, 11 August 2008 |
This is an open letter to all other citizens of the United States: our governor is better looking than your Governor.
That's it, period. No questions asked.
In fact, our governor is a pretty hot chick. Of course, here in Alaska any woman standing on both legs and having her own teeth is usually a hot enough babe to we single guys living here.
Still, Governor Palin is exceptional. Despite glasses and and educated aura about her, she is still a sensuous beauty. Palin is also quite curvy, but we're not suppossed to notice that. The male in us notices anyway; we can't help it.
With such a cultured person as Ms. Palin in power we are apt to explode several myths the rest of America has about Alaska all at once, such as:
We are male dominated. Remember, the meanest critters in the woods are the FEMALE bears and moose. The Alaskan human female falls in line somewhere after the wolverine.
All Alaskans are ugly: It has long been rumored that we all were hit a few too many times with the bad end of an ugly stick. Take a good look at Ms. Palin to realize the error of that belief, but not too long. She is OURS, we saw her first.
We are backwoods ignoramuses: No we isn't!! Ms. Palin embodees all the karackteristicks that a big city gurl needs- sufustication, charmm, edumication and poize. We don't need no more than that. And the meening of 'big city' in Alsaka meens any place with its own fire department, library and indoor plumming.
That we are not intellectuals: Ms Palin wears glasses and looks smart. That makes her an intellectual in our book. That's good enough.
That we are all hicks: OK, you got us on that one. She isn't Jesus Christ for crying out loud! You can't always make wine out of water.
The electing of a female governor in Alaska might bring about a whole new era in our history. Maybe men here will start exploring their feminine side and you will start seeing Alaskan males knitting lace doilies for their log furniture. Trappers will reexamine their professions and start using catch and release methods. The lion shall lie down with the lamb, or, in our case, the grizzly with the salmon, if that is possible.
Of course, it is not that I am playing a game of one upmanship by all this. Just because our state is far bigger than yours, has more pristine wilderness and a higher percentile income doesn't mean I am getting snooty on you. Most of you folks have a higher agricultural yield, although pot is legal here and we might surpass you on that count soon.
You 'southerners' do have more good-looking woman than we, which is a very sore point with us. However, just to be neighborly, you could send us up some of your women and thereby maybe we'll share some of our oil with you.
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Average ranking:5/10
User's comments: | Author | Comment | 
Quorum of One | 2008-08-19 A comment of pure, unadulterated intellectually and creatively motivating virtuosity. |
rfreed | 2008-08-19 A work of sheer, inspiring genius! |
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