The US Treasury Department has announced that it will slowly phase out production of the venerable one dollar bill. Citing the move as a cost saving measure Treasury Director Henry M Paulson Jr called the action "a neccessary money saving cutback".
"It costs more to produce and ship the bills than the bills are worth." the Director said in an interview on his 70 foot private yacht. "We at the Treasury have been thinking a long time about this. It not only saves tax dollars but is part of our larger 'green' iniative."
According to world financial data the US dollar is now worth approximately .43 cents. In Latvia the dollar has fallen so much that it is used primarily as toilet paper. Chinese Olympic authorities are using the abundant US notes as paper for their new paper mache support beams in the "Birds Nest" Olympic stadium.
When asked for a comment on the demise of the dollar bill President Bush replied,
"I don't know what all the fuss is about. Heck, I never carry cash. I jsut whip out the old debit card and bang, I'm done."
In a related story the non profit organization Americans Supporting Strippers have threatened to sue the Treasury department for discrimanation. Former President Bill Clinton, who is the defacto head of A.S.S. released this statement earlier today.
"We at A.S.S. are shocked and dismayed at this announcement. The many exotic dancers I support will literally starve if this action occurs. Why just yesterday I broke a fifty dollar bill to get some ones so I could hang out at Cheetah's. What does the Treasury expect us to do? Tip with fives? This is outrageous!"
Written by 
