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Due to its declining value, U. S. Treasury Department eliminites one-dollar bill. |
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 Written by Danahome
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Tuesday, 05 August 2008 |
Due to its declining value, the U. S. Treasury Department has made a formal decision to eliminate the one-dollar bill, and is currently in closed-door negotiations for the following potential substitutes for this monetary staple:
1. A tablespoon of gasoline :
Cons: Difficult to carry, easy to spill, potentially dangerous (starts fires) , dangerous to children.
Pros: Great to get your car around the block, or to the voting booth this fall.
2. Cups of Dunkin Donuts Coffee:
Cons: Easy to spill, may cause burns, recycling problem getting rid of massive amount of paper cups.
Pros: The world runs on Dunkin.
3. Frosted Mini-Wheat’s:
Cons: Adding to U.S. obesity problem, crunching in your pocket, diabetes, public food fights
Pros: Consumer spending will increase, so will consumer consuming.
4. An apple:
Cons: Your grandfather can no longer say “Money doesn’t grow on trees”.
Pros: “ An apple a day keeps the doctor a way” will become financial solution to U.S. healthcare crisis.
5. A Roll of toilet paper:
Cons: Kill too many trees, a plethora of bathroom humor on late night talk shows, creates extra bumps when carrying in clothing
Pros: Squeezably soft in a soft economy, good for people with a lot of “disposable” income”
6. Sex-for-hire coupons:
Cons: Currently illegal in most states
Pros: Oh c’mon, you knew we would get there eventually
7. Pennies: A dollar is really only worth a penny anyway.
Cons: None.
Pros: Cleaning all the jars of pennies out from my house and finally using them, benefits of weight-lifting those jars.
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